What Is Self-Respect?

Self-respect for me means respecting myself above all else.

It means honouring my values and principles before anyone and anything else. It means trusting myself to say and do only what feels true. It means listening to and respecting that precious little voice inside me when I feel a little fearful, reluctant or unsettled; trusting that there is a legit reason for me to be feeling that way.

Sometimes respecting myself can make other people frustrated, disappointed or hurt because they want me to do thinks for their happiness in that moment thinking that it is the right thing to be done. But, as long as I don`t put so much weight on their needs or their perception; as long as I don’t get caught up in feeling like I need their approval, I can easily stay solid and true to myself, and value myself more in the sense that I do what I need, feel like and what I really want etc. In most cases that person will ultimately see their responsibility in the situation and apologize for whatsoever pressure they have put upon me or at least change their behaviour in the future. In the rare cases where that doesn`t happen, but if it should, I will consider it a blessing because clearly that person is only interested in being right and having what they want, regardless of the cost to me or to our relationship. 

Those are good people to have distance from.

The more life experience, I see that it has always been me who is in charge of my relationships and whether they become fulfilling or draining. It has always been me who allows someone to take advantage of me or not. It has always been me and my choices that create that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach that used to lead me to focus negatively on myself. 

But now, it is me who gets clear on what I truly think and feel before speaking. It is me who doesn`t commit to anything unless I feel truly peaceful about it and like I`m not compromising my needs or values to meet someone else`s or gain their approval. It`s me who puts myself first and makes time and energy each day for my growth. 

Self-respect means knowing that you are just as deserving of respect and dignity and success and happiness and love and appreciation as anyone else. And the only thing that prevents anyone from knowing that and from living that space of deservedness and self-acceptance is that they continue to look to others for permission to feel equal, happy and deserving. Once you stop looking outside of yourself and just start reassuring yourself from within that you are good enough-- you will feel self-respect; you will find the solid ground that can never leave you regardless of what is going on around you.