Mind Conditioning

Am I brave? I don't think I'm the bravest person. No. In fact, I'm so scarred of so many things. I haven't even been on a roller coaster, I get freaked out by the fish in the shallow party of the beach, I CANNOT touch anything with a texture like reptiles... I can't even tell you how many times I've readied myself to tell someone something but when I'm at the moment, I just feel like I've lost my tongue. I've said NO to opportunity so many times before, I don't like joining competitions unless necessary and most of all I've pushed people who deeply care about me with the fear of the expectations that a relationship entails.  

I've missed so many chances and perfect moments because FEAR stood in the way. 

FEAR cannot hinder me from saying what I mean, FEAR cannot stop me from being who I want to be, from doing what I desire, for running after my dreams. 

What made Alice jump in that rabbit hole? I guess it couldn't be JUST curiosity. I believe that life requires a certain amount of bravery in order for us to jump into the transition to the future. It requires us a certain amount of bravery to push us to lift our heads up high and walk from our past. It could be friends we have made, our first love, our hometown. At one point or the other we are all forced to move on eventually whether we like it or not. 

There is no other way to go but forward and you will never see in the dark until you find the light. Attempt it and welcome the unknown. Though changes like these have made me feel frustrated, sad, knotty and feeling lost until the cows go home. I guess its normal to feel this way. It paart of the whole experience of encountering things for the first time and we don't know how to work it nor can we rationalize or put meaning to anything that's happening. It sometimes actually even makes me feel like just crashing in a corner in the room and cry endlessly (yes, as pathetic as it sounds I've actually done this once) or just give up. But that's not how you play the game of life. You can't quit until you are OUT. There is no time to waste. Its either you pick your shit up or indulge in self pity. 

Courage in the end is merely a choice. Its just a simple decision to leap and say FUCK IT to the nagging "what if I fail" moments, FUCK THAT to your self doubts and FUCK YOU to the nosey people. 

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live."